Close Encounters with the Reptiles

I recently purchased some items from an online store (I just took advantage of their free express shipping promo). O:)

The package did arrive in less than a week (the non-express shipping took almost 2 months), but unfortunately, what I received was a notice that package is subject for customs examination.

This is quite different from the previous notice cards. Before, the packages were actually delivered to the postal office nearest to the shipping address. This time, I had to go to the postal office along Domestic Road (Pasay) to claim the parcel.

When I arrived at the postal office, there were a bunch of people outside the warehouse, waiting for their parcels to be release. I gave the notice card to the EMS personnel and I was told to wait outside until my name is called.

After an hour or so, they called me and as part of the operating procedures, they would open the parcel and inspect its contents. Attached in the box is a document declaring the actual amount of the item. Normally, the online store would lower the declared value to avoid detection. In my case, they put $20 in the declared value (from actual value of $40).

However, the little curly crocodile, Celia Bantig, told me that she would not accept it. Of course, because she is GREEDY. After that she went to their office, then she returned with a piece of scratch paper with lots of computations. o_O

She wanted to price my item for an outrageous price of $150, which meant that I had to pay more than Php 3000 for the release of my item. Talk about hostage situations. o_O

I did not agree to that so she asked me how much did I pay for it, I replied $40, but she wasn't convinced (or she just wanted to extort me). I asked her if they have a computer with an Internet connection so I could show her the price. She rep(lied) to me that they don't have Internet connection, and they don't even have computers in their office.

She's probably expecting me to give in, but I told her that I'll just return the next day and bring with me a copy of the receipt.

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The following day, I returned with a printed receipt. I was told to go inside their crocodile den (office), and search for Pemma, the mother crocodile. I told her my situation and showed her the receipt.

She offered to make a new computation. She wrote some numbers, punched some keys on her calculator and ended up with $50. I was relieved to learn that I only had to pay a little over Php 1000.

But before I could celebrate, the mother crocodile, suddenly changed her mind, acted as if she had forgotten something, then punched some keys on her calculator again, and this time, came up with $90 (WTF?!?). She probably realized that $50 just wasn't worth their time and effort.

Anyway, I decided not to argue with her, because I knew nothing about customs laws and procedures. Although she did mentioned that they had to include "insurance" and "postage". Then again, I don't really believe that it would double the price?!?!

So, she wrote in her report that the price of the item is $90.51. With the following computation:

$90.51 * 47.077 (Exchange Rate) =
Php 4260.94 (Price in Peso)

Php 4260.94 * 15% (Rate of Duty) =
Php 639.14 (Import Duty)

For the VAT, her computation was:
Php 4260.94 (Adjusted Price) +
Php 639.14 (Import Duty) +
Php 265 (CDS) +
Php 250 (IPF) =
Php 5145.08 (Big F*cking Amount) * 12% (VAT) =
Php 649.81 (VAT)

For the final amount:

Php 639.14 (Import Duty) +
Php 649.81 (VAT) +
Php 264 (CDS) +
Php 250 (IPF) =
Php 1804 (Ransom Money, almost same amount as the item!!!)

The Import Duty, I supposed, would go to the pocket of some greedy bastard in Department of Finance, while the VAT money, would be added to one of the many bank accounts of the Evil First Gentleman Mike Arroyo (Husband of the Evil Bitch). He he. :))

The CDS, which probably stands for Customs Documentary Stamp, which according to the fine print in the receipt should only amount to TWO PESOS (Php 2.00), and the IPF (only God knows what it stands for), will probably be distributed among the crocodiles and lizards crawling within the post office compound. Ha ha. :))

Oh, I almost forgot, the little curly crocodile lied to me about the computers. There were 3 computers in their den, and there's another one outside. And she seemed to be avoiding me, but I still managed to get her name from her ID.

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Unfortunately for normal citizens like me, it's impossible for us not to be taken advantage of by greedy people like them. :(

At least now, you know where you're money is going... :P